The life of Me.

Tue Jul 22

Overheard in New York

  • Girl (sobbing): I'm sorry... I know cheating is never the answer... I'll do whatever I can to make it up to you.
  • (long silence)
  • Guy (chuckling): Sorry for laughing. I'm just thinking of what a better person than you I am.
  • (five minutes later)
  • Guy (still chuckling): You know you're hot and guys hit on you all the time but what you forget is that I'm hot. Girls hit on me every day. But I'd never cheat because I'm a good person.
  • Does this just punch you right in the gonads? That's got to be one of the top ten worst things to hear. Too bad she deserves it.
Thu Jul 17

caragh:

Why can’t this happen to me. Also, Why can’t I meet a young Larry David?

mzchristine:

jeralyndwile:

Do you think that if more people lived together before they got married there would be less divorces? My sister and I were talking about that. Put in your vote.

Nope…

Yes.  That has been the deal breaker for my last relationships.  Everything always runs so smoothly until you are cramped into a small space and share bills.  That’s the real test of your commitment.  If you can pass the test of living together for a couple years without getting intense urges to smother the other with a pillow while they snore, then bring on the wedding bells.

Wed Jul 16

Bday Bluez...

Birthdays suck for a number of reasons.

My main reason being:  I just threw a damn hissy fit because my mom was acting all casual about my bday, so I went behind her back and invited my whole family over for dinner then out for drinks.  Kudos, Alex.  Mama had already done that, thus making me look like a complete DICK to my whole family.  I can just hear the muttering now: “Ungrateful little brat.” “Selfish.” “Why do we even do this for her.”  The thought of it makes me want to crawl in a hole and die.  No that little get-together won’t be awkward.  Won’t be awkward at all.

My second reason I think birthdays suck is that I am older.  Its all cool to get older when you’re 16.  But I’m turning 25.  I am now being shoved out of the check box category of 18-24 and catapulting into the 25-60 range.  Next time I fill out a survey, they won’t know if I’m 25 or mother fucking ancient.  I’m never filling anything out again, ever.

My third reason birthdays suck is that everyone feels obligated to have a big dinner or a big get-together with all of your friends.  Listen peeps, I don’t really like too many of you guys outside of a bar atmosphere.  And I sure as hell don’t need the random cliques clashing together over calimari.  Ya heard?

The only light at the end of the tunnel is that come Saturday, my insurance drops.  THATS IT.  Well that and a solid excuse to booze.

Man cuts off own head with chainsaw
If there were more stories like this in the news, I would start subscribing to the paper.
Tue Jul 15
tylerriewer: My cousin Preston — showing off at our wedding last year. This photo is so perfect. This one best experiences of my life.  If only you all could see his version of the “Robot.”

tylerriewer:

My cousin Preston — showing off at our wedding last year. This photo is so perfect.

This one best experiences of my life.  If only you all could see his version of the “Robot.”

Fri Jul 11

I'm Embarrassed.

  • Me: Seven months?! I'm basically Nelson Mandela.
  • Alex: Who the hell is that?
  • Me: Nelson Mandela dude.
  • Alex: Oh ya. The host of Deal or No Deal right?
  • Me: (Laughter) That's ridiculous. But seriously, the only reason I name dropped him is because I just watched E True Hollywood Story on Charlize Theron. Apparently they both have something to do with South Africa.
  • Alex: I want McDonalds.
  • I'm not proud of it. But it makes me laugh so to hell with it.
“ DUDE. I hate that I am not with you right now. Though I do find comfort in the fact that I left 2 bottles of wine at the house for your disposal. Drink them. All. Then cradle them in your arms and pretend they are me comforting you through this garbage dump of a situation. Alex (via kelseyriewer)
Wed Jul 9
Why should two people in love ever have to be taken away from each other?  Not for any good reason, just taken.  We didn’t fall out of love, we didn’t die, we didn’t decide we were better off.  We want to be together.  But because one person decided they wanted to destroy someone’s life, we have no choice.  Three states, 9 hours, $180 flight.  These are the barriers we have to deal with now.  Not temptation or crowding of space, not money or time.  It kind of puts all of the other nonsense fights into perspective. Four days together.  Thats all we get each month.  FOUR DAYS.  For what?  A job?  A good career move? Yes.

Why should two people in love ever have to be taken away from each other?  Not for any good reason, just taken.  We didn’t fall out of love, we didn’t die, we didn’t decide we were better off.  We want to be together.  But because one person decided they wanted to destroy someone’s life, we have no choice.  Three states, 9 hours, $180 flight.  These are the barriers we have to deal with now.  Not temptation or crowding of space, not money or time.  It kind of puts all of the other nonsense fights into perspective.

Four days together.  Thats all we get each month.  FOUR DAYS.  For what?  A job?  A good career move? Yes.

Mon Jun 30
Do long distance relationships ever work?  Probably not. Especially ones that are distanced by 9 hours, three states, no airport withing 100 miles, and lack of finances.  So…I guess I’m single.  Nice to meet you, worse case scenario.