2008

“Distance means so little when someone means so much.”
— (via littlemiss) (via pieces)...

lindsayneedscoffee: Can miles truly separate you from friends? If you want to be with someone you...

Clark Griswold gives us a peek ahead to...

Mary(saleswoman): Can I help you with anything?
Clark: Oh, I was just smelling - smiling. I was just blouse - brousing.
Mary: For your wife? For your girlfriend?
Clark: Uh... huh? What happened? I, uh, heh heh. Well, I guess it just wouldn't... Oh hee hee, it wouldn't be the Christmas shopping season if the stores were any less hooter than they - HOTTER than they are. Whew. It is warm in here, isn't it?
Mary: You have your coat on.
Clark: Yes, oh do I? How'd that happen?
Mary: Because it's cold out?
Clark: Yes, Yes, it is a bit nipply out. I mean 'nippy out.' What am I saying, nipple? Ah, there is a nip in the air, though.
Best Part of the Movie.

FYI - This is where I’m going tomorrow. Keystone,...

Why long-distance relationships suck.

My boyfriend (who lives nine hours away) just showed up at my office with a cup of chili and a box...

It doesn’t get any better than this.

The Steps to Hugging a Baby. Its my Moose!!!  I can’t...

I know this is old news, but really? Best...

Do you ever go out for a night on the town and wake up...

tylerriewer: Check out the one of Memorial Stadium! I miss...

I’m dancing around in my boyfriends shoes like a 5...

Wake Forest vs Virginia. Im here watching my lover Riley...

Reunited and it feels so good!!

This is what I have in store for me all weekend.  I...

Was it my lucky shirt? I think so!

This is my democratic themed dinner.

YES WE CAN!!!!

kristywilke: this might be all kinds of illegal - but here...

To bring the attention away from the election for a minute,...

One of us is not like the others.

lindsayneedscoffee: saraliz: ae:robot-heart:rach: Let’s do...

I voted today!!!

Me: "This year for Halloween we should dress up like newborn babies wearing nothing but a hospital band and a little hat. We could smear strawberry jelly and cottage cheese all over us."
Kelsey: "AAAHHHHHHHHH!! But yes, yes we should."
Me: "We could carry around a placenta."
Kelsey: "And we could have some nasty shit coming out of our belly button."
(**Look for this next year. It will happen.)

Well this is shitty...

My boss and coworkers came in town to watch the UCF vs. ECU football game last night. It started at...

I fell down the stairs. It should be illegal to be as braindead as I am right now.

Halloween Horror Nights at Universal.  I walked in with a...

Bumblebee-tuna.  Your balls are showing.

This is the best picture I have ever seen of my dog Theo.  I...

“Obviously your mind is elsewhere. How about you just call it a day.” -my boss to me...

notcaragh: Today when I was peeing at work I thought of the greatest name for a gay, black male...

Halloween Horror Nights

Haunted houses + scary monsters + chainsaws + booze + hilarious friends = BEST. NIGHT. EVER. Be...

Look at my favorite little lady all decked out for...

Countdown to Thanksgiving: 31 Days!!! This me my dad and I...

Jennifer Hudson's Nephews body found

Weekend in fancy West Palm Beach =

Getting drunk at noon.  Smoking the trashiest cigs on earth given to us by a Budget delivery man. ...

I'm really fucking annoyed.

I want a Tumbleweed Tiny House so bad!!

Some jackass stole my credit card and hit up the town like he was the King of Fucking England. Too...

Joba Chamberlain arrested for DUI

Nobody cares, but my cousin plays volleyball...

Has anyone else noticed that McCain has been taking notes with a Sharpie?

Awe.  My boss sent me flowers for my one year...

I drank my weight in gas station wine last night.  I also woke up naked with empty oatmeal creme pie...

This is my future dog.  I shall name him Moose and pray...

This is my own personal version of Where’s...

The only ONLY reason I am not dead right now by way of staple gun is because Gossip Girl and One...

A little help.

If any of you people who follow me are millionaires, throw me some cash, would ya?  I really...

lindsayneedscoffee: peterwknox: libbylovesnyc:natface:maria...

Headed down to Miami for the weekend. Gas: $50 Beer:...

This was my costume last year.  Probably one of my favorites...

Here is a more specific version of what I will be wearing. ...

This is who I am going to be for Halloween.  Don’t...

Thanksgiving Countdown: 50 Days!!!!

I really freaking hope so.

I just bought these and I couldn’t be more excited!!!

And then I ran the bases.  I RAN THE BASES YOU GUYS!!! ...

I’m embarrassed of the pose, its the background...

At the White Sox game on Friday I got a nice little buzz...

Good thing we broke up, this potential baby is...

antikris: It always makes me sad when I see “so and so ended their relationship with so and so” on...

Can you freaking believe

that I am leaving work right now to go watch the White Sox and witness my first ever postseason...

This is what I call my “signature pose.” ...

Does anyone understand how freaking happy this makes me? ...

“I want to be done playing this lady Nov. 5. So if anybody...”
— Tina Fey (via antikris)

Best Cubs Joke

A case in which a little boy was abused by both of his parents went to trial on October 1st and the...

Look at my dogs, you guys.  Can you believe someone can own...

To ditch, or not to ditch

askaway: Lex, I ran into a guy the other day that I haven’t seen in years. He asked me out and I...

Weekly Phone Convo with my favorite...

Me: Hi Alyssa!
Alyssa: Hi
Me: Hi
Alyssa: Hi
Me: Hi
Alyssa: Hi
Me: Hi
Alyssa: Hi
Me: Bye bye
Alyssa: Bye bye

Mmmm…lunch. The only reason I like Chick-fil-a is...

verenasays: ITS A BABY. AND ITS SO VERY SMALL. Poor thing.

Airport Bathrooms

You know how when the screw is lose on the toilet seat it makes it slide all over, thus not making...

Since its the first day of October, I will officially start...

30 days until Halloween!!!  What should Theo be this year?

This was the environment in which I watched my beloved Sox...

"Revenge is a meal best served cold..."

A guy from work just tried to rat me out for being at fault for a late order.  But…too bad I...

This is my collage of looks I am going to attempt this fall....

“Blackburn? I don’t give credit to the people who...”
— White Sox Manager Ozzie...

Southside Hitmen Fever.

I can’t eat.  I can’t sleep.  I can’t think about anything other than the very...

This is life or death. Everyone should read...

This is Alyssa, my cousin Megan’s baby.  I know what...

A beautiful day...

-I got yelled at by 6 people for something I had nothing to do with.  (they later apologized but...

ilovebradandlyss: My cousin Ally and her boyfriend… I just...

T minus 65 days till my hand is once again up this guys...

The boys invited Kelsey and me to a very nice Retirement...

Thank you, Southwest.

I bought a plane ticket 4 days ago from Southwest for $165.70. I WAS NEVER CHARGED FOR...

What I would give to be that girl right now.  Hot guy + dogs...

Freaking hilarious.  Jimmy Carter cracked me up.  Notice his...

$34 Million

These are the things I am going to do with the $34 million I win on Saturday night, thanks to the...

Fatty D's

I need a double cheese burger now hold the lettuce don’t be frontin’ son no seeds on the...

Thank you Nebraska Senator. I feel better...

(via michaelvanvliet) Beautiful.

“What if John McCain were a former president of the Harvard...”
— Kelvin, Fort Worth (originally...

Confession:

jss: Not only did I get a little sentimental during parts of Gossip Girl tonight, but I also cried...

DAMN GIRL!!  YOU BE WRINKLIN!!! maryrambin: My favorite way...

OH. MY. GAH.

I just realized that if every team in first stays in first, the White Sox will play the Rays for the...

In honor of my beloved White Sox about...

I will give you all some fun facts about the team.  This is the random ass knowledge I keep cramped...

Ignoring = NO I Will Not Go Out With You

Can’t a girl use a guy for drinks these days? Damn.  What is it about guys not getting the...

I decided to get a smoothie for lunch today to counteract my...

frangry: via Gawker

Blow me, Thursday.

Why do I think its cool to sit on my porch till 4am shooting the shit with the neighbor and chugging...

Shit. (literally)

Today a delivery man sprayed his explosive diarrhea all over the walls of my one and only office...

antikris

FUGLY. maryrambin: The kick off party for Fashion Week is...

Suck it.

I couldn’t be more sick of seeing “blah blah blah is now engaged” on Facebook. ...

This is what I woke up to every morning.  Spending three...

I would give my left pinkie toe to be back there right now.

There is not a whole lot in this world that beats camping...

Random Day #2

This is my word for word conversation in the Target parking lot around 1pm today.
(Man pushes cart almost to cart rack, but actually just right in front of my car, thus blocking me in.)
Me: Hey guy, do ya mind?
Guy: what?
Me: Could ya move your little cart there? Only two more feet till its where it needs to be.
Guy: Why don't you get out and do it yourself, Princess.
Me: I'm sorry, what?
Guy: How about you lift a finger. Get a job and stop living off daddy's money.
Me: Listen, Al Bundy. How bout you head on home to your wife's fupa and chug a PBR.
Me: And I'm getting paid as we speak. I'm probably making more money during this conversation then you will make in this entire week. (obviously an exxageration but he had it coming)
Guy: Listen you incompetant spoiled bitch, mind your damn business.
Me: Am I on candid camera?

Random Day #1

I saw a midget wearing stilts and riding a bike. Do I need to elaborate. Doubt it.

Oh Thursday.

I’m in the mood to drink embarrassing amounts of booze.  Sidenote:  Its 10am and I am still a...

Some Things I'm Really Looking Forward...

Oh I wanna play! 1)  Road-trippin with bean up to north carolina. 2)  roughing it in the wilderness...

Ummm...

Dear Kelsey, That house you “suddenly loathe” was decorated top to bottom by me, with...

“It makes perfect sense that George Bush and John McCain will...”
— Hillary Clinton (via...

My Top 5 Morning Rituals

My goes like this: -alarm goes off (2 hours early)  I hit snooze. -I snuggle with my lab -hit...

Two days bitches.  Go ahead and be jealous, I know you all...

“Fuck. Shit. Piss. Cock. Balls.”
— Me, on the phone with my...

I have been on the phone for the past 2 hours trying to get my car payment paid, my cable account...

A stylist without a clue.

Kelsey: "There is something I have been wanting to do to your hair."
Kelsey: "I have been thinking about it for a really long time."
Me: "Ooooh do explain!"
Kelsey: "Well it involves a big boof in the front..."
Me: "I beg ya? A boof?"
Kelsey: "Yeah, you know, the stylish bump in the front with your bangs pulled back."
Me: "Um...I'm pretty sure you are meaning to call it a 'poof'".
Kelsey: "Shit. Then whats a boof?"
Alex: "I think it has something to do with a vagina."

Yet another Alex-Pees-Somewhere-Random...

Okay guys, don’t judge me.  But this pee story totally takes the cake over the time I peed on...

“If you cant fit in, be inappropriate”
— feistyred (via antikris)